What I learned in Europe:
1. Yellow subways make me want to move to Berlin.
2. You will get hit by an 83 year old Dutch lady on a bike in Amsterdam, if you don't watch out.
3. Van Gogh liked Japanese prints.
4. Champs Elysees is a big, ass street.
5. French cigarettes are not like American cigarettes. They're made of unicorns.
6. Reading a fantasy novel on a train in Belgium is not as dope as it sounds.
7. The seats in Berlin subways are like 80's Jordans. Awesome!
8. Vietnamese food in Germany is delicious. Monsier Vuong!
9. Ricardo Villalobos likes to smoke while he DJ's. A lot.
10. Richie Hawtin is not as tall as I thought he would be. Especially when I accidentally saw him in the bathroom.
11. Bathrooms at the Panoramabar are like standing inside a pinball machine with angry cokehead youth pinball parts.
12. The Sorbonne is, like, nice.
13. Deleuze is dead. For reals.
14. Derrida is also dead. I think.
15. Kissing in Paris is like hailing a cab in NYC: necessary.
16. Tom Cruise, according to a new and temporary German friend, is a good Count Stauffenberg. 17. Dutch TV is c-r-a-z-y.
18. Kid 606, while biking past me in Kreuzberg, made me think, what the fuck?
19. The Kirk bar in Berlin reminds me of a place I once wanted to dream about drinking in.
20. German beer is the new water (Hello, Jever!).
21. Camille, in the Le Marais neighborhood, has the best escargot and steak and crazy, ass lady who wanted to eat my girlfriend and I.
22. French Jews love blasting Israeli pop out of midget speakers at 1AM.
23. Tiny cars in Europe make me laugh. Tee-hee.
24. I speak French. I think.
25. Birthdays in Germany are nicer than I would have thought.
26. Squatters in Amsterdam, because they were across the street from me, are no joke.
27. The Red Light District, on a ghostly night, is terrifying.
28. Race in Amsterdam, where I never saw a black person in the daylight, but saw plenty in the Red Light, is weird.
29. Bikes!
30. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony are playing in Paris soon. WTF?
31. Anne Frank loved movie stars and putting pictures up in her bedroom.
32. What "smartshops" really mean.
33. Pavarotti was loved in France.
34. Africans want you to buy shit beneath the Eiffel Tower. I didn't, though.
35. Cab drivers don't like big tips.
