What are you wearing?
The hides of a thousand otters encompass my rumpus. On top I wear a
shiny chain-mail bikini bottom that reflects the shiny, shiny gleam of
my faceplate, which in turn mirrors the dull green glower of your
jealous, jealous puss. Do you likee it?
Whose idea was it for the show? What were its beginnings?
…I guess that means “no”, you don’t like my outfit. Fine…[bites lip to
stop it from trembling, it bleeds] …uh…Show origins? Originally we
were just trying to cook up a stroganoff casserole, but we mangled the
recipe so extravagantly that when we opened the oven, there was a
snarling show crouched inside, which gnashed its fang, yowled, and bit
us on our collective kissers. I think we just used too much salt.
See, here’s where it bit me. [points to bloodied lip as irrefutable
proof.]
What did you all do in terms of writing and comedy before Wonder
Showzen?
Well… before you birth (broadcast) a baby (show) you gotta prime the
pump (uterus) with our (write) grease (production experience). So we
wrote (masturbated) on such things as Conan, Chris Rock, Snoop, and
South Park (into a cup).
In 1928, Walt Disney stole “Steamboat Willie” from Buster Keaton.
Centuries later, Wonder Showzen is the new bling. Do you guys feel like
you’re the new family entertainment?
Bling? We are not some bejeweled trinklet that dangles from the neck
of confidenceless pretards who need shiny to support their egos, nor
some bloodsoaked chest woobie of the love starved. We hover above the
gleam, buoyed by the sizzle of substance; not the substance you sniff
up your tukus either. But seriously do you like my outfit? Cuz I
worked really hard on it…
Do you try to offend yourselves? How?
By hate-raping your dead grandpas rusty rectal kkkunt with the severed
bloody bear cock of American $uperiority. But, sad to say it just
comes off as devastatingly charming banality.
Vernon, you used to write for the Keenan Ivory Wayans Show. Is
Wonder Showzen pretty much the same thing?
Yes, because I was fired when I leapt on Keenen’s shoulders and yanked
the zipper that runs down his back, causing two angry little white
chicks to tumble out of his lifeless skin-shell and kick Marlon in the
dumbs. This was before the Wayans all died from cancer of the premise.
Who are the writers, filmmakers and artists who have influenced you
all?
Dvotrsevoy, ODB, Kersels, Bunuel, Boredoms are some names that my brain
told my fingers to shit out. There are too many more to print. If you
agree to print all of them, we’ll provide the list, but we must warn
you, it’s over 43,596,345 pages long and there will be no more forest.
If Wonder Showzen would have never been made as a TV show, in what
other form would it exist?
Loaf. No… Ladyfinger.
Have you ever thought about a doing an all-Spanish Wonder Showzen?
People in Latin-America love things in Spanish.
The people in Latin America must find their own way out of the forest.
The Spanish language doesn’t mean anything. Its just an organized
system of random vocalizations designed to signify objects and ideas.
Like all language, it’s a barrier to truth, like the Pope or raisins or
Chicanos.
You’ve had Devendra Banhart, David Cross, Will Oldham and others
on the show. If you could use anyone from history, who would you love
to have on the show and how?
If I could have dinner with anyone in history, I think I’d eat Jesus.
Tell me about the writing process. How long does it take to finish
an episode?
Each show is improvised live on the spot, and the magic of the moment
never fails to deliver big on a… really…. to have…a…thing…soup.
If you weren’t doing this show, what jobs would both of you be
doing?
I would open a kiosk in the mall called “Corn On The Fun”. It’s a store
where you bring in your own fresh hot corn on the cob and we provide
custom dipping powders… Then I’d open its discount rival, “Fun On The
Cob”, to bring that stupid stinking store to its knees. [Corn On The
Floor—ED]
What TV shows or comedians do you all think everyone in the world
should know?
Eddie Pepitone.
Your show has a Sesame Street on ketamine aesthetic. Do you guys
ever get aesthetically insulted?
Once we realized that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we tracked
down the beholder and pried his eye out with a spoon. We fed it
breadcrumbs and lies until it grew old enough to fly home to Tuscany.
Have you been? You must. Your Father’s estate is out there.
You mentioned Kierkergaard once on your show, don’t you think
philosophy belongs in the streets, like rap music? You guys are
philosophers.
The Truth: Thank you. It’s true, we did invent rap. But our creation
has been corrupted beyond recognition: in our initial vision, rhyming
words were strictly forbidden like pork to a jew or a jew to rap.
Our Philosophy: Fool you once, shame on you. Fool you twice, who ate my
shoe?
Lil’ Hitler was something you did to try and get cut, but ended up
staying in the show because MTV liked it. How often does that happen
where you make something intended to get cut but it stays?
A comedy bit being accepted by MTV is like a dump being rejected by a
toilet that refuses to flush. That’s right, you turkey—I said it!
PFFR is your collective/band. How important is music to the
creation of the show? Do you guys listen to certain stuff when
editing?
Audible music is for dicks. We only listen to snapshots of post neo
deep urban echodelic doo-wop screwtop sludgecore bands flipping the
bird to Koko the Gorilla. But not anymore. That got old hat while you
were just reading about it. New hat: Fedoratronica.
Is there anything you won’t do on the show, any limits?
Secret: The show is one big limit. The only thing we won’t do on the
show is continue production.
Do you guys ever have creative differences?
Oh, we have big ol’ honking differences, every morning. Usually over
which one of us gets to start honking the other first. Then, just for
shits and giggles, we shit and giggle. [HONK!—ED]
Will Wonder Showzen be around forever?
Wonder Showzen will be around as long as there is even a tiny glimmer
of hope in the heart of just one child in this old world. So, no, it
died of AIDS at Woodstock.
